WorkPuzzle

Coaching Insight: How to GROW Your Coaching Skills - Part 2

The last two blogs have been introductions to what you will read today. Over the course of the next few weeks I will explain in detail the GROW method.

When it comes to coaching, if you are not working from a proven model it’s very difficult to be effective. More often than not, when you’re “flying by the seat of your pants," you'll end up directing and prodding and have little success as a result.  

As I mentioned last week, the GROW acronym stands for:

Goal

Reality 

Obstacles and Options

Way Forward 

I'll describe each step of the model briefly this week, so you can begin to mull it over. Then, over the course of the next few weeks I'll delve into each phase of this model, so that you can begin to practice it with those you coach. I truly believe that if you learn and practice this model, others will experience you as an excellent coach guiding them to greater heights of performance. 

Goal - This is the end point. What the person would like to achieve. The goal must be concrete, verifiable, measurable, and clear. A person needs to be able to easily recognize when they have arrived. If for instance, the goals were around recruiting, we would set an exact number of New Agent Hires and Experienced Agent Hires a manager would like to achieve by years end. 

Reality- This is the current reality of where you are now and how you arrived there. The more this can be boiled down to specifics the better. To carry over from my recruiting example above, Reality might be how many experienced and/or new agents did you recruit last year, in exact numbers. How did you accomplish that? How many interviews did you have? What percentage of those new agent interviews were converted into licensing school? How many of those converted into hires? How did you build a supportive relationship during the pipeline process? 

Obstacles- These would be the variables that might hinder the person from reaching their goals. Be sure to list them all specifically.

Options- After the Obstacles have been thoroughly explored, begin to brainstorm a possible list of options to overcome the obstacles; this is where the previously described Inner Game questions are applied and achieve their magic.

Way Forward- Once the options have been identified they can be translated into very specific monthly, weekly, daily and hourly action steps that will lead them to their goal. 

Keep in mind that knowing the above model isn't enough. What makes this model work and allows the results you want is how the coach presents the questions throughout each step. This style of questioning is initially presented in Timothy Gallwey’s Inner Game methodology. The GROW model takes the Inner Game premise and expands it to make an extremely powerful coaching tool. Next week I will begin to dissect each of these steps in detail, especially focusing on how to ask the questions? 

Because the Inner Game and the GROW model in my mind will be forever linked; here is another principle of the Inner Game that could be applied to the GROW model practice:

“If the person being coached focuses on what the coach or their peers want, or focuses on appearances or the agenda of others, this will invariably distort every piece of this process and lead to poor results if not failure.”

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Already of a member of TMOC?  If so, join the WorkPuzzle Dialog Group by clicking on the WorkPuzzle Group icon on the left side of your TMOC homepage.  Questions?   Email the WorkPuzzle editor (workpuzzle@hiringcenter.net) and we'll walk through the process.

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Editor's Note: This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn. Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, a Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle. 

Coaching Insight: How to GROW Your Coaching Skills

In last week’s blog I spoke about Tim Gallwey and how he revolutionized coaching methodology with the introduction of his Inner Game theory. 

As with any successful “revolution” there are followers who help to spread the concept. Sir John Whitmore with Performance Consultants International and Alan Fine with Inside Out were two key promoters of the Inner Game tenets. Whitmore and Fine co-created a broader use of the Inner Game called GROW.

According to Wikipedia, "GROW was developed as a structured framework to use the Inner Game principles to achieve goals." Fine and Whitmore realized that the struggle to achieve ones goals extended far beyond the sports field. However, whether it is sports, business or personal the path is the same. Structure your journey into small well defined steps, focus on each one at a time, and be attentive and constantly aware of what you learn from your ongoing experience. This will guide you best to the ultimate goal or objective.

Recognizing that I am a fervent football fan and one of the Seattle Seahawks’ 12^th Man, I am compelled to use a football game as an example of how a coaching model can be successful.

Recently, the Seahawks faced the Saints on the windiest day we've experienced in Seattle in several years. Up 16 points at half time, and knowing that they were about to spend the entire 3rd quarter trying to move the ball against the wind, Pete Carroll and his staff came up with the idea of keeping the players focused on the immediate goal above the ultimate goal.  Coach Carroll's message was simple. As a team, our only goal this 3rd quarter is to protect the ball on every down. That immediate goal was placed above any offensive movement or scoring.  Fans, with no knowledge of their half-time emphasis were frustrated; "Where is the offense?” The coaches and players chose not to care what we thought. They focused on their agenda, their immediate task, and let the final goal, winning, come to them. 

As you might have guessed GROW is an acronym. It stands for:

1. Goal
2. Current Reality
3. Options (or Obstacles)
4. Will (or Way Forward)

Next week I will be looking at the GROW model in some depth as I believe it is an extremely important model in any “coaching” environment. I will define each of the acronyms in detail. Until then here is one rule I have garnered from the GROW model:

Rule : It is impossible to concentrate on the Goal and the Task at hand simultaneously and perform well. Focusing on what we "Should be doing" never works. We simply become overwhelmed and bogged down. Each well executed task at a time, made completely in the moment, is the only way to practice the principle of the Inner Game which you'll begin to see is central to the GROW model. 

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Editor's Note: This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn. Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, a Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle. 

Coaching Insight: Back to the Basics

Wikipedia defines coaching as a "development process via which an individual is supported while achieving a specific personal or professional competence result or goal."  

By definition, it would seem that any company or organization would embrace the concept of coaching, but not all companies see coaching as valuable.

A variety of studies have found that over 90% of organizations with 2,000 or more employees use coaching, in contrast with only 68% of organizations with 250-500 employees.

It appears that larger companies see the connection between coaching and the increase in their bottom lines while smaller businesses are more skeptical.   Who's correct?  Researchers would probably side with the large businesses on this issue.  

An article by the Staff of the Executive Board of Bloomberg Businessweek had the following comments:

"While the link between effective sales coaching and better sales performance is widely known, the majority of sales organizations fail to realize the full potential of their investments in sales coaching and training. Often times, this means missed opportunities for dramatic improvements in top-line revenue growth, margin enhancement, conversion rates, as well as sales forecast accuracy, and sales rep retention and engagement levels."  

If coaching has been proven to improve these types of important business metrics (especially sales rep retention and engagement levels), why do small and mid-size companies resist embracing the concept at a higher rate?  

I believe it boils down to execution. The reality is that many organizations have great intentions regarding coaching but exercise poor or inconsistent follow-through. 

Here are some of the most common coaching pitfalls organizations make according to the Bloomberg Board, followed by the contrasting suggested approach:

Generic Coaching Training Content 

Effective coaching programs must link to the organization's sales model and address individual sales manager coaching challenges. Programs must be tailored to the sales manager, their team and the go-to-market strategy of the organization.

In a real estate company, this pitfall is usually demonstrated when managers try using off-the-shelf material or a "fly by the seat of your pants" approach to coaching.

Discontinuous Coaching Approach

Managers often see coaching as a sequence of separate events, similar to training, rather than an ongoing, continuous process where one coaching conversation is a continuation of the last. To solve this issue, embed a true coaching process within the normal workflow.

Lack of an Effective Coaching Infrastructure 

Without the appropriate supporting "coaching infrastructure," it is near impossible to sustain long-term coaching benefits. The most progressive organizations actively measure coaching effectiveness on an ongoing basis and fully engage second-line and senior managers in the process to ensure that coaching remains an ongoing priority, not a passing fad.

Managers' Failure to Accurately Observe Behavior

Managers often revert to teaching sales tactics that worked well for them rather than focusing on the new skills required to effectively coach in today's environment. Critical to coaching today is the ability to correctly observe behavior and specify behavior change.

How many of you have counted coaching as one of the keystone pieces for retention and improved revenue? And if so, is your approach consistent and effective? Give it some thought!

In my next coaching article, we'll look at the history of coaching. Knowing the history will help you better understand the underpinnings and rationale as to why this topic is so relevant to growing and sustaining a successful business. 

 

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Editor's Note: This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn. Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, a Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle. 

Great Coaching: Dr. Dave's WorkPuzzle Focus in the New Year

The professional business coaching industry is estimated to generate revenue of nine billion dollars worldwide this year with an annual projected growth of .02% going forward (according to IBIS World Market Research).

Why would so much money be invested into the arena of coaching? The easy answer is "it’s worth it." Many large global companies have done their homework, measured the performance improvements and have decided to invest even more in coaching their employees.  

The real estate industry is no different than many of the Fortune 500 companies. In fact, in some ways coaching is an even more valuable tool in this field.  The National Association of Realtors has indicated that agents who are coached successfully can increase their performance by 20%. That of course relates directly back to the real estate company in the form of increased revenue.  But how do you know your coaching program is the right one? 

What makes an outstanding coaching program? As in every discipline, the science and art of coaching cannot be successfully executed without sound philosophy and techniques to guide interactions with those you are charged with coaching. Coaching is not just cheerleading or meeting a randomly set goal. The successful coach must take a more holistic approach to a very complicated and sophisticated branch of learning. The following are examples of what I would consider to be the top three elements to be fulfilled:

• Attitude and Philosophy
• Methodology
• Proven techniques for assessing goals and measured results

 The good news is, if your company learns to “coach” well (all other variables being equal) you can easily beat the competition. Remember, if you miss even one step of a successful program it can have a negative impact on the final results.

 Over the next six months, I will be expanding on this subject matter. Ben will continue to write articles on other interests, but I want you to expect one article each week on coaching and how to do it better. I hope that this concentrated time of learning will be valuable to you, your managers, agents and your organization. 

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Editor's Note: This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn. Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, a Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle. 

How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Procrastination

Writing doesn't come easy for me. It's actually one of my least favorite things to do. As many of us do
with tasks that take us outside our comfort range, I usually leave it until the very last minute. It sometimes takes me days to come up with just the right title or the beginning paragraph and often it is still not quite “right."  At times, the task of writing feels overwhelming.

I would guess there are many candidates who feel this way about their goal of becoming an effective and successful agent. For example, they might love selling because they are socially adept, but find studying and taking tests more difficult.  Trying to pass the licensing exam may seem like an unreachable goal, they leave the studying until the last minute.  In turn, procrastination causes many people to fail.

What can we do to avoid the pitfalls of procrastination? I recently read an article in Psychology Today that spoke more about laziness than procrastination, but the solution proposed works well for both. The following is an excerpt from the article:

"Dealing with our own mind is a bit like dealing with a small child. It doesn’t always know what’s best, and our job is to take it by the hand compassionately and set it on the right path. With practice, inertia is relatively easy to overcome – at least compared to other mental roadblocks. The key, in my experience, is to stop arguing with the mind.

Most minds, like children, don’t switch gears easily. “Time to go to the gym,” you might say to yourself, to which your mind answers, no thanks, I’m fine where I am. The gym is far away, and it will take too much time, and everything there is really heavy, and do you really want to spend your day lifting heavy things?

And by the way, says your mind, you should be ashamed of yourself for laying on this couch.

It’s easy to get drawn into an argument with the mind, and it can stymie us with that bizarre combination of sloth and shame. Sometimes arguing works; sometimes it doesn't and you feel awful. But there’s an easier way – a lazier way: don’t engage in the argument.

When the thought of going to the gym (for example) seems overwhelming, try shifting your attention to something more manageable, like the first small step that starts you down the path. We may not be able to prevent lazy thoughts and urges, but we can control whether or not we focus on them.

You might tell yourself, "I don’t have to go to the gym right now, I only have to put on my shoes.” Once your shoes are on, the next task is simply to get to the car, and so on. Momentum will often take over if you can get your body moving in the right direction. Don’t worry that your mind isn’t in the mood, it will catch up later. Before you know it, you’ll be working up a sweat.

It takes practice, but I’ve found this approach to be quite effective. While you’re in the process of ignoring the bigger picture and taking small steps, it helps to divert your attention to something external, like music. It also helps immensely to frame your goals in terms of what you want (I want to be physically fit) rather than what you don’t want (I don’t want to be fat).”

I vividly remember reading about Ed Viesturs (a famous mountaineer) who would continually break down each climb into 25- 50 yard segments. He would look ahead and find a rock or a snowdrift, and focus his attention on only reaching that landmark. He would then celebrate his small accomplishment and repeat the process.  After doing this again and again, he would eventually find himself standing atop a 30,000-foot peak. 

I am going to try this when writing my next blog. Ironically, this is the same advice I frequently prescribe as a psychologist, but I had not thought about it in broader terms.

If we can help agents (and ourselves) see the goal as a process, it sets us free to break that process down into small, manageable steps. The security of knowing that we’ve successfully completed one small step makes it much easier to take the next step.  Like Ed Veisturs, we’ll also be amazed at the significant things we accomplish!

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Already of a member of TMOC?  If so, join the WorkPuzzle Dialog Group by clicking on the WorkPuzzle Group icon on the left side of your TMOC homepage.  Questions?   Email the WorkPuzzle editor (workpuzzle@hiringcenter.net) and we'll walk through the process.

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Editor's Note: This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn. Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, a Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle. 

The Perfect Presentation

Really? I don’t know that there is a “perfect presentation” but there are certainly some very successful ones. Think of Steve Jobs or Tony Robbins; different personalities and different topics, but both extremely engaging.

I selected this topic for a rather selfish reason. Most of the time I get a favorable response to my seminars, but there have been a few times when I have been left with the feeling that the audience was not fully engrossed with what I had to say. The dazed looks or multiple yawns are usually the first signs!

There are a few scientific facts that are helpful:

“Think of your short term memory as your brain’s Post-It-Note. Like a Post-It- Note it doesn’t have huge capacity. On average our brain can hold onto fewer than 7 items for no more than 10-15 seconds.” (March 18, 2013 Hubspot, Marta Kagan).

There is also a theory called the Picture Superiority Effect that says that concepts are much more readily remembered if they are presented in picture form.

Although studies and theories are always important, perhaps the most relevant proof is how you react to different presentation styles. I like to feel that the presenter is comfortable with the material and that his/her manner genuinely reflects how they feel about the topic. The best presentations have knowledge, passion and emotion.

There are many differing guidelines as to how a speaker might achieve these goals, but here are a few that seem to appear on everyone’s “tips” page.

1. Simplicity:  “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” (Leonardo DaVinci). In all of the presentations I have given or attended, the most memorable and effective are those that don’t overwhelm us with too much information. Keep your delivery to two or three key points. This lets the audience absorb and retain what you really want them to know. By using this method you inevitably repeat; which is great, as that also aids in retention. And be sure to use simple English – don’t be too technical.

2. Be Comfortable: There are lots of ways to achieve this. Some speakers are just “naturals” but that’s rare. The best way to feel comfortable and be relaxed and effective is to know your material. This means practice and rehearse. How much practice depends on you, but you should never rely on your wits or the Power Point to direct the presentation.

3. To Power Point or Not: Although educational presentations may benefit from long winded text or bullet points, most slides are best restricted to powerful images or carefully selected words or phrases. Remember the Picture Superiority Effect.

4. Show Your Passion: If you aren’t passionate about your topic you won’t be able to ignite your audience. Demonstrate your emotion through voice and motion. Get your audience excited about what you have to say. Even if they don’t agree they’ll remember what you had to say. Make sure you have a clear and compelling beginning, middle and end. It’s a bit like a three act play.

5. Control the Environment: Make sure you are focused on your audience as much as you want them to be focused on you. If you notice they are distracted move the presentation along. Remember you are in control!

I am going to take these points to heart and hope they are helpful to you as well. And I hope you will be able to attend my next seminar – it should be close to a “perfect presentation.”

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Editor's Note: This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn. Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, a Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle. 

Lessons from Harvard Graduates

Earlier today, I found myself mesmerized by an online book named If I knew then: Advice on careers, finance, and life from Harvard Business School's Class of 1963.

As the name describes, a list of Harvard Graduates from the class of 1963, on their 50th anniversary of graduation, offer advice on a number of topics ranging from careers, business, marriage, leadership, happiness, wealth and several others. I thought this might come in useful as a resource in leading and inspiring others. 

Business

Ralph Linsalata

"Never use the pronoun “I” except when taking responsibility for a problem or mistake. When success occurs, it should always be “we” or “they.”

Communication with all employees is critical. Strategies must be explained repeatedly — as many as 20 times — before most people really understand them.

The right culture is also critical. It takes a long time and an exceptional amount of effort to change a bad culture. Most companies fail because they do not have the right culture. 

All competitive advantages last for a very short time. You have to be paranoid to stay as the leader of a successful company."

Judy Ley Allen

"Surround yourself with the smartest, most ethical people you can find. Set clear goals, communicate them clearly, and delegate."

Happiness & Success

Artie Buerk

"When I entered Harvard Business School, I was staggered by the ability of classmates (especially Ivy-Leaguers) to talk. Everyone seemed trained to be very articulate. In my mind, people were given two ears and one mouth for a reason: one should listen many more times than one should talk.

Active listening requires understanding what you are hearing, asking follow-up questions, and watching body language. The better one listens, the better one learns.

As one ages, it seems that people tend to talk more about themselves and less about the people they are talking to. Listen more and talk less for success."

John A. Fabian

"The most successful lives are those people who have had a very positive impact on a great many other people."

Marriage & Family

Ralph Linsalata

"Tell your spouse and children that you love them every day, no matter how you feel.

 Do not bring your problems home with you.

Realize the joy that comes from helping your spouse and children excel in their fields of interest and enjoy themselves.

Develop within your family a sense of obligation to help others.

Spending quality time with your family — not just time — is critical.

Choose a spouse who will understand and support you, and one for whom you will  do the same. Life is much better if you can help each other grow and expand your  knowledge, experiences, friends, and capabilities."

Gerald (Jerry) Wolin

"When raising children, make sure they grow up to be independent. Too many of us want to make life easy on our kids and save them from anguish. That is not always the best course of action."

Donald P. Nielsen

"Marriage is an 80–20 partnership, on both sides. If you each understand that, you always go out of your way to please your spouse. When both partners do that, you have a happy marriage.

The greatest gift you can give your children is to love one another."

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It's hard for any of us to imagine 50-years into the future--especially when we're young and inexperienced. This is one of the reasons it's so important to learn the lessons of those who have more experience.  As you lead and coach the young agents under your care, share these insights and the insights of others who have gone before us.  It will not only enrich your coaching experience, but it may also make you a better person in the process.

 

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Editor's Note: This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn. Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, a Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle. 

How to Reach The Recruiting Goal Line

If you happen to be a football fan you will know that the recent Monday Night Football game, Seattle Seahawks vs. the St. Louis Rams, was a disappointing win for the Hawks. 

That’s right a win, not a loss; so why disappointing? 

The Seahawks, as do many other professional sports teams rely on consistency, rhythm and what some might call “staying on schedule” to reach that ultimate goal – the touchdown.

The comments about that game, from the Hawks coaches and players, may give some insight into reaching your own goal line. 

The following is an excerpt from an article in the Seattle Times. 

"Quarterback Russell Wilson always talks about staying on schedule. By that he means picking up positive yards on first down, then doing the same on second down to be in good position on third down. Negative plays or no-gains throw Seattle off schedule.

 That’s what happened against the Rams. The Seahawks averaged just 1.1 yards on first down, and that’s not including a penalty on guard J.R. Sweezy. As a result, Seattle was just 2 for 11 on third down and now ranks 28th in the league in third-down efficiency.

“I don’t think we were good on any down,” Baldwin said. “First down was terrible as well. We couldn’t stay on schedule, couldn’t get any rhythm.”

As a recruiter or hiring manager, you are the quarterback of the recruiting function of your business. It is up to you to make sure you get that “yardage on the first down” that lets you stay on schedule and move “down the field.”

You do this by knowing what you want to accomplish, finding efficiencies in your plan, and keeping on schedule to ultimately meet your objective. None of these objectives are possible without metrics.

To continue the sports analogy, what if we divided your ultimate goal into "downs?"

Just like football, getting to the next down requires building a schedule of tasks and analyzing the results.   Examining the metrics is the best way to win in recruiting. 

Here is a list of common recruiting metrics that should become second nature to any recruiting professional within the real estate industry:

Number of connections with candidates: (live calls or email exchanges)

Number of additions to pipeline (permission to follow-up)

Number of one-on-one interviews (face-to-face)

Number of enrollments in licensing school

Number of follow-up connections (post-interview)

Interview-to-hire percentage

Post-Interview pipeline-to-hire percentage

Licensing school drop-out percentage

Number of offers

Number of hires

Lost-to-competitor percentage

If you’re meeting benchmarks on these recruiting metrics, you’ll also be consistently gaining momentum in your recruiting process.  You’ll find it easier to stay on schedule, create a comfortable rhythm, recognize efficiencies, and successfully reach your goal. 

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Editor's Note: This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn. Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, a Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle. 

New Life, a Maternity Nurse, and Recruiting

By the time you read this WorkPuzzle, I'll be a grandfather for the first time.

I am writing this as my oldest son and daughter-in-law are in the delivery room. We are literally minutes (or maybe hours) away from the culmination of months of anticipation.

As you might have guessed, I’m very excited about this event, and I was anticipating this day for a long time—even before the pregnancy began. 

I have to repeat it to believe it...”I will be a Grandfather today.” A new light and life will change ours forever. What a blessing.

What has made this process more enjoyable and contributed to this great day is someone who is being paid to be here, but you'd never know it.

Who? The maternity nurse assigned to our grandson's birth. Her name is Bonnie.

Although I hadn't thought to ask Bonnie how many times she’s helped bring a new life into the world, she did mention she might have been my wife's nurse 24 years ago, when she gave birth to our youngest child! 

It just dawned on me--Bonnie has a miraculous perspective on her job. After more than 24 years of delivering babies, she is treating our family and this experience with a fresh sense of respect and her own sense of joy.  It’s been an incredible experience.

Bonnie has something to teach us all about recruiting.

The process of recruiting requires an enormous amount of calls, emails, and interviews to be successful. Maintaining a respectful and joyful attitude towards each and every contact makes the process work.

In essence, the best recruiters and hiring managers have an “anchor” of empathy that grounds every interaction with those in the recruiting process.  

Candidates are hoping for a new birth to their work lives.  Like Bonnie, you’re dealing with an equally delicate moment in their lives.  Each day, you have the opportunity to make it special, pleasant, peaceful, and full of hope.

On behalf of all those who you’ve already helped find what they do best…thank you.   You’re doing more meaningful work than you realize.

Editor's Note:  Jonas Mashburn was born at 11:30pm on Wednesday night.  He was welcomed into the world by a very happy grandpa and many other family members.

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Join the WorkPuzzle Discussion at the Tidemark Online Community (TMOC)

Engage in the WorkPuzzle discussion by joining the TMOC private social network.  Commenting on a public blog like WorkPuzzle can be a little intimidating, so why not join the discussion inside the privacy of the TMOC discussion group?  

By joining TMOC, you'll get to see who else is in the group and your comments will only be seen by those whom you trust.   Joining TMOC is quick, easy, and free (no kidding…this takes less than 2 minutes).   To get started, click here.

Already of a member of TMOC?  If so, join the WorkPuzzle Dialog Group by clicking on the WorkPuzzle Group icon on the left side of your TMOC homepage.  Questions?   Email the WorkPuzzle editor (workpuzzle@hiringcenter.net) and we'll walk through the process.

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Editor's Note: This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn. Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, a Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle. 

Become a Godfather Manager

The most common obstruction to great marriages, families, friendships and organizations is the timeless reluctance to be truthful and honest when truth might cause conflict.

I have seen this both clinically and while consulting with organizations.  For example, I recently attended a meeting with 15 individuals in the room.  There was so much pent up disagreement among the group, no one wanted to give their opinion on any issue brought to the table.  The group was locked-up and completely paralyzed.

If you ever experienced a situation like this, you know how frustrating and debilitating this can be for a team.  If you’re the manager for such a team, it is near impossible to defuse such an impasse.

That’s why a recent article in the Harvard Business Review caught my eye.  Rather than giving advice on how to fix the mess, the authors give recommendations on avoiding it in the first place.

The article was written by Ron Ashkenas and Lisa Bodell and offers the following insights around conflict avoidance.

"Most people want to be liked: It’s one of the fundamental tenets of human behavior.

Because of that motivation, many of us have an unconscious desire to avoid conflict. We prefer to “get along,” “not make waves,” and “act as a team player.” We all want to be known as a great person to work with.

The only problem with this mindset is that creative ideas and better ways of getting things done often stem from constructive conflict. Organizations need it to advance. And even in the day-to-day, workplace conflict is still inevitable because organizations are full of bright, ambitious people with different points of view, controversial ideas, and disparate values.

There’s no way that we can get along with everyone all the time. Finding the right balance between the need to deal with conflict and the instinct to avoid it is one of the toughest challenges that most managers face."

They go on to offer the following tips (one quite humorous) regarding creating a culture that invites constructive conflict. 

Quote The Godfather. In order to foster more constructive conflict and feedback, remind your team and your colleagues about Don Corleone’s admonition that ‘it’s not personal, it’s business.’

Doing this will reinforce the notion that we can disagree about ideas and strategies, but still respect and like each other — something that is often forgotten in the heat of battle.

With this principle in mind, encourage team members to ask probing questions and challenge assumptions. Eventually asking, ‘Have you thought about this?’ should feel like a productive conversation, rather than a personal attack.

Create challenge events. Rather than leave it to chance, schedule time with your team to question norms and change the way things are done. Make it clear to them that processes are expected to evolve over time (even the ones you created) and that it’s OK to push back on them.

Doing this will create a “safe space” where they can assess whether routine tasks are worth the effort, and modify them if necessary. It also allows people who might hesitate to raise issues by themselves feel more comfortable doing so in a group.

Recognize employees who question the status quo. When employees take the risk of creating a productive disruption, give them positive reinforcement. If someone pushes back or raises an uncomfortable question in a meeting, back them up rather than shut them down. If possible, use it as a teachable moment to encourage others to do the same.

Set ground rules for conflict. Since everyone struggles with conflict to some degree, develop a few standards for how your team can manage it constructively.

For example in one company’s review sessions, participants need to begin with at least two positive comments before anyone is allowed to throw in a criticism. Although it feels a little awkward at times, this practice forces everyone to take a more balanced view of other people’s work, which reduces the tension and allows for more productive discussions.

In another firm, every meeting ends with five minutes of what’s called a “plus/delta” critique of the meeting – with quick comments about what was good about it and what should be changed the next time. Again, this more structured practice makes it easy and acceptable to openly and constructively criticize.

In the short-term, it’s almost always easier to avoid conflict and come across as being a “nice” manager. But more often than not, being a little less nice might be the best thing for your people, your organization, and you."

I could not agree more. What are the thoughts of our readers?

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Editor's Note: This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn. Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, a Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.